the Journey of Lost

Dear,

This is me Farid is writing for you here.

I understand if maybe you don’t want to hear anything from me anymore,  but let me do this clearly to you, and also for my own mental health purpose. 

I am sorry. 

I really sorry for the bad things I just made since last year. Seems I have made a big mistake. I have ruined my friends, and also including your life, and even it is my life too because my such bad attitude. And the more I tried to figured it out, the more and more it just becoming worse and totally ruined our relationship into the lowest. 

I have tried to reach you out and so sorry for you, but I have no more ideas how to make it well landed into you since you’ve cut me on all social media platform. Even I failed it when I was tried to come and tell you directly into your home at my last visit just a couple week ago.

If I can tell you how big my feeling for you. As a lover, a bestfriend, a colleague, even simply as my friend, I can’t described you my lost after all of your good kind of human being that I do really love you. I do really regret to brought all my life just full of dissapointment from you. 

I am not a good in showing all of this. The more I try to express, the more I lost you. 

I am regret for all my failure to keep you as a lover, and even as a friend. Maybe if there is just one last thing that I can do to compensate all of this, just let me know for sure. I am lost on my mind for months. For months. I already passed weeks of that to following your words, focus on my self, go get a new friend, a lover, or focus on my self. But still I am under the big shadow of you and my biggest regression about what I just did to you, and how I lost you as one of my valuable person in my life.

I can’t tell you how hard I wish to get you back, even if only being a normal friend. Because I really lost you and it’s hard. I really sorry, and If I can tell you how hard my heart want to tell that I dont want to lost you.

But after all, I know forgiving is something beyond big. I will never push you anymore to accept this things in a rush. I wish I can make peace after all of this unspoken words since the beginning.

Dear, ever since the first time you held my hand I have wanted nothing more than for you to hold it on forever.

Cirebon station,  February 2022